So what if..

Last night I was told that this person who has given me so much grief has been given a permanent Tos from AOL. I find that hard to believe as much as any business is out to make money. But time will tell. It really doesn't matter to me. It's amazing to me that so many in chat have entertained her all these years and allowed their chat experiences to be so much about her that they even wrote a blog about her. I mean if You really have a problem with someone don't you just ignore them in chat? Does this mean that some are as sad as her? Possibly. It's sad to me that so many have decided to join in that soap with nothing better to do in their lives but park a computer in a chat room and log conversations to be passed around and used against others. Doesn't anyone have a real life anymore? So, what if She's gone? ? Will the ones who are so caught up in what She does wrong get bored and find a real life? Doubtful. So, As the world turns..these are the Days Of Our Lives? Hmmm.. My prayer's are with her as always that God will bless her and all in that chat with what they have need of (Because it's clear there are needs) in Jesus name ~ Amen.

Tonight...

Tonight while in a Christian chat room I watched to my amazement while a woman came into the room and started attacking other's about their lives. It seemed that she had a need to make other's look bad to make herself look good, feel good. She even went so far as to make up stories about my life. I did some research online and I think that this information totally describes her.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Advice, Books, Info and Help Click here: What Makes Narcissists Tick: Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder - NPD
As I sat there reading her stories, at first I felt anger, so I prayed God what is it that You want me to see. He said two thing's. Even though this person is in the wrong, She answer's and will to me. I said yes God but she's saying mean and hurtful things about my family. God said yes, she's unhappy and is to be pitied. So, then I prayed God what about the things that's she's saying that other's might believe. God said, *it is I that You are here to please not others* so, I prayed for her and left the room. You can't kick a dog when it's down and You can't hurt someone who's not well. But, we can pray for them. So, I'll pray for her, keeping in mind that I don't and won't answer to her. I answer to One. Father I pray for that sad, unhappy spirit tonight. Touch her and allow her to feel Your holy presence in her life. Fill the need and void in her. Show her ..the anger that dwells in her and help her find a way to fill the loneliness. You know the need in her. If it's healing to her spirit then heal her. I speak peace to her..in Jesus name. Amen

Outside`looking in...

Lately I have come to realize that I have a problem with being able to trust people and get close to them. I knew that I had a problem but as time as gone by it hasn't gotten better. It's grown worse. I care deeply about family, friends, and loved ones. But because of the abuse in my life over the year's it's become very clear to me that the pain in my life has caused me to build walls. Walls that go up at times when they should come down. The problem is called Dissociate Disorder. Many victims of abuse suffer from it. Even though they forgive the abuse and are no longer victims..they still suffer. Dissociate Disorder is a learned coping skill. It protects us like a wall from people that try to get to close or feel threatening to us. Don't get me wrong, we want love probably need it more than most. We want to be close to the people that we care about. It's just difficult. Today I was taking a picture in my front yard and as I turned to come inside I saw something in the reflection of myself in my door. Something that I had to photograph because it truly struck me. I was outside the door looking in. I have been outside my life looking in. In many ways not participating but allowing it to evolve and happen. God is so good to me. He's showing me many things about myself and loved ones. I want to be involved and tuned into each and every day in every way. The outside looking in is to lonely. God placed me here to be involved and from this day on, I will try harder to get to the inside and look outward.